Are you like Boy George, who once said he’d rather have a cup of tea, than sex?
Is it causing issues in your relationship? Or holding you back from looking for a partner?
Lady, you’re not alone. It CAN happen to anyone. And it’s not about always about being “a certain age”.
It can be tough admitting it when everyone seems to be having mind-blowing sex ….in adverts, on TV, in films, in Fifty-Shades-of-Grey erotic books. It’s knackering watching it all go on, let alone DOING it.
There can be different reasons your sex-drive tanks. Often it’s temporary. And we all have naturally different sex drives anyway. What’s normal for you, may be different for the next person.
The good news is that you can give yourself a sex drive boost naturally with some of my top tips. IF you want to relight your fire.
Reasons For Libido Loss
Let’s just start with a few reasons you might need a sex drive boost.
Yes, it could be anything from a problem that’s crept between you, anything from communication issues to a lousy lover. Sometimes relationship problems impact your sex life when they have nothing to do with sex , like money worries. Which leads me to …
Stress and Depression
When you’re stressed, your body makes and pumps major stress hormones. More stress hormones can mean less sex hormones. So your sex drives flags.
For some couples trying to conceive, sex becomes a source of stress. Because it’s all about ovulation and baby-making. Ironically, the stress of trying to make a baby can reduce sex drive.
But it doesn’t matter what the source of stress is – it can still impact libido.
Stress often comes with busy-ness and tiredness – no-one wants to make sweet love when they’re literally struggling to stay awake… in the middle of their favourite soap opera.
Depression too can interfere with your daily life, including your sex life.
I’m thinking pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding mainly. Your hormones can be haywire, you can be totally knackered and so your sex-drive tanks.
I have had many clients tell me they feel unattractive or unsexy at some time and THAT affects their sex life. Whether they’re young whippersnappers, frazzled Mums or Perimenopausal Princesses.
I’m sure many of us girls can relate to this at some point of our lives.
The hormones that improve sex drive are testosterone (yes we girls have it too) and progesterone.
Imbalances in these can cause low libido. Where oestrogen is high in relation to progesterone, it’s often called Oestrogen Dominance. High oestrogen can squish sex drive.
Low thyroid function can also affect your love life.
If your sex drive reduces, it’s always worth checking with your Doctor there is no underlying cause like this.
There are many prescribed medications that can cause your sex drive to nose dive. You need a sex drive boost.
Many women know that anti-depressants can have that affect.
Did you also know that the contraceptive pill affects libido? The very pill that overrides natural hormone cycles to enable you to have sex with little chance of pregnancy, can CAUSE low libido. Isn’t. It. Ironic?
But hold on! Don’t just stop taking any prescribed meds – you must speak with your doctor to agree a plan to stop taking them. If you read the smallprint in your med packets and they mention low libido as as side-effect, speak with your Doctor.
While one glass of something alcoholic may help you relax and get in the mood for love, don’t overdo it. Too much alcohol risks snoring and drooling on the carpet. With the promise of a hellish hangover. No sexy-time for you.
The same is true for some recreational drugs.
I hate the word “ageing” – we’re like fine wine, girls, are we not?
Sex drive can lower as we mature, but not always.
In peri-menopause or after menopause it can be associated with vaginal dryness AND all the other reasons mentioned here. Including hormone imbalance. Testosterone production can reduce after menopause. And that can affect sex drive.
If you thought everyone needs sex drive boost as we mature, check out my blog on menopause myths. It’s not true…
5 Ways to Boost Your Sex Drive
Love Up Your Liver
That might seem whacky, but read on.
If hormone imbalance is behind your waning sex drive, and you have oestrogen in excess, you need to get that old oestrogen out of your system. That means boosting digestion and loving your liver to help eliminate i.e. poop out old hormones.
So take in plenty of fibre, eat for nutrition and drink lots of filtered water. Knock the booze on the head. Quit caffeine. Sack off sugar.
Get more top tips on liver love right here.
Eat A Sexy Diet
For sexy diet, read Hormone Friendly diet. Basically, eat for nutrition. Food is fuel and food is medicine. Cut down on alcohol, caffeine and sugar. Yada yada. You can find some more info on eating right in this blog.
Some foods are said to be aphrodisiac. Foods rich in zinc, including oysters, pumpkin seeds and dark chocolate (NOT a family slab of milk choc) boost libido, as do maca, ginseng and ginkgo.
Ditch the Pill
Th pill has been touted as the ticket to a worry-free sex life, but it can lower libido.
It also comes with a raft of potential side effects and depletes our bodies of valuable nutrients.
Please make an informed choice about contraception.
And consider carefully when the pill is offered for other issues. Many women tell me they have ben prescribed the pill for cycle issues, acne and much more. There are other ways to start addressing those things. Please start with natural ways.
Exercise reduces stress and increase libido. Twice yay.
Choose activities that you will enjoy and can fit into your life, so that you are likely to keep them up.
Ideally do something a few times a week and incorporate more “activity” into your life generally…gardening, housework, walking, take the stairs, washing the car by hand, playing sports with the kids. Pillow fight?
Relax and Unwind
Reducing your stress levels can help improve your sex drive. It’s better to tackle the causes of stress head on.
If you can’t do that immediately, find ways of coping.
Exercising is a great way to start de-stressing. You could also try meditation and there are some great online resources and apps to get you started. Or buy some cds.
Getting enough sleep is also key. You thought bedtime routines were just for kids – heck no! Work out ways to get enough good quality sleep yourself. There are some tips in this blog about insomnia.
Where sex becomes the source of tension e.g. when couples are trying for a baby or haven’t been having much sex, relax and enjoy. Put to one side how often, timing and all that shizzle. Have fun together, enjoy each other’s company, be romantic, hold hands, take a bath, have that pillow fight and see what happens.
Other Expert Help
Where you suspect there may be a medical issue, do speak with your Doctor.
They can check to see if there are any medical conditions behind your problems, like low thyroid or hormone imbalances. And discuss possible treatment options.
If you need specialist support to heal your relationship or for sexual issues, also check out experts.
Check out RELATE for relationship counselling in the UK.
If you think you’d prefer a sexual counsellor , look for one who is a member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) or the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine.
So that’s it ladies, my 5 tips for a natural sex drive boost. I’m off for a cup of tea. Now, why does that makes me think of Boy George?