Hormones or “Upright Breasts Are Dropping and These Flushes Aren’t For Stopping.”

NO, I haven’t dusted off my Literature degree to start writing  poetry.  This verse is by poet Hazel Connelly. My poetry was never that good.

It’s from Hazel’s 2012 poem” Hormones”.  And it makes me laugh AND it makes me think.  I love it.

Here it is in all it’s fabulousness….



My jeans zip is popping
My body’s gone crazy
Everyone is noticing
My memory’s a bit hazy.

The once upright breasts are dropping
and these flushes aren’t for stopping.

It’s the hormones
That’s what it’s about
All around my middle
I’m getting more stout.

There’s nowhere to hide
There’s nowhere to run
My newly aquired moustache
And chin hairs are fit to stun.

I joined a club that weekly meet,
They tell me all the can’t haves,
I just go home and eat.
Don’t have this, don’t have that,
I paid all that money just for a chat.

My feet are still the same size shoe
I could always buy them something new.

Time passes quickly, teenage years gone,
There’s no more excuses to rely on.
The one about puppy fat ran out long ago,
So now it’s time for a revamp
From head to toe…

© Hazel Connelly


Come on all you PREmenopausal Princesses and Menopause Mavens, who can relate?

The menopause muffin top?

The memory lapses?

Droopy boobs?

Hot flushes and nasty night sweats?

A few more hairs on your chinny chin chin?

Fighting the battle of the bulge?  And feeling like you’re never winning this war?

BUT or should I say “AND”?


AND, it doesn’t have to be that way.

We can either make the excuses like the “puppy fat”ones we made when we were young OR we can do something.


We can take control.

We’re not victims.

Sure we can’t stop the march of time… we can’t stop the inevitable drop in oestrogen hormones.


We CAN improve our health, hormone balance, wellbeing and happiness.

And that’s not just my Rose Tinted Bespectacled self talking.

I have had hot flushes, I have been known to try to cram the boiled kettle into the fridge, my once buxom pear shape has become a little bit more Coxs Orange Pippin. I curse when even WITH the magnifying mirror I struggle to see the stray hairs of my – sometimes –  bushy eye brows!

I’m just on it like a car bonnet. Living well at least 80% of the time.  Adopting a hormone friendly lifestyle at least 80% of the time.

And it works for me. And it can for YOU too. It doesn’t stop the march of time, but it helps keep me looking and feeling younger, healthier and happier for longer.  And much more balanced.


Amen to that. AND to the fact that my boobs aren’t droopy yet. *winks*